The Melodrama Mama has Arrived

And I don't mean me....not today at least!!!

INTRODUCING:

Laura @ Melodramommy! She writes letters to Mr. Poopie--this one almost made me pee my pants when I read it (Hubs thought I was insane because I was having hysteric fits at my computer.) She warns us all about Mommy Casualties. What Laura does best is capture the humor in motherhood & makes you proud to be a mama. So please give a round of applause to her & welcome her to Mommy Monologues!

Top Baby Sleep Fantasies Exposed

First I want to say I am honored to be guest posting today for Kate, who is a very special mommy blogging friend of mine. Kate is just one of those sincere, kind, people you can instantly connect with and relate to; not to mention that she has quite a talent for telling a good story about her mommy adventures all while lifting your spirit, making you laugh, cry, and know you’re not alone!

Well, after reading Kate’s post on her sleep challenges with Wolverine, I began realizing our cute little babies have been conspiring against us! I know, I know, how could that buttery-soft-melt-in-your-arms, little person who whispers that sweet little coo-coo-ka-choo in your ears possibly be involved in a conspiracy? The answer is simple, Mommy friends! Babies have some sleep fantasies of their own, and it’s time to expose them!


This epiphany actually struck me while I was on vacation at the beach, where I was forced to have baby sleep in my own bed. In my complete naiveté I actually thought this would be a sweet and snuggly experience. Big mistake!


All through a darkened night I dodged kicks from a 1YO who apparently was dreaming he was an acrobat and Mommy the trapeze. When he wasn’t swirling around the covers and flipping from head to toe, he was hacking a cough straight into my face. In my complete deliriousness, I thought it was delightful! That’s because I was simultaneously dreaming I was in the ocean being rocked by waves and tasting the salty ocean spray. You can imagine my horrified eyes when, after a jab in my ribs, I opened them to discover the droplets on my lips were NOT a welcomed kiss of ocean dew!
So what are our not-so-innocent babies dreaming about that keep us up all night long?

Here’s My List: Top Five Baby Sleep Fantasies Exposed

1.) Baby’s Gone Bowling: First and foremost is that dangerous baby head that baby manages to jerk up but has not learned how to control where it lands. Mommy thinks she’s about to get a kiss on the cheek but instead little does she know that baby is dreaming he’s a bowling ball, and mommy’s eye socket and nose are, yes, you’ve guessed it, the pins. Thus comes that solid 10-pound bowling ball at deadly speeds. This is how Mommy gets to see stars from INSIDE the bedroom!

2.) Mommy and the Beast: yes, you’ve seen those rodeo bull riders where the challenge is how long a man can cling on this wild beast’s back. The true test of courage, however, is how long a Mommy can endure sleeping next to a baby who believes he’s the wild bull. Baby has NOT forgotten about his umbilical cord from the womb, which he happens to believe is a rope that doesn’t need any rosin; he’s dreaming about tying a lasso of his own. So watch out Mommy! Baby is NOT about to be tamed!

3.) Wolverine in Training: Somehow, baby caught wind of the superhero fantasy. You thought when you and hubby were watching X-Men, baby was quietly playing or sleeping and couldn’t possibly be paying attention; but in reality, he was taking notes! Thus, one moment baby is snuggling up to mommy, the next, out extend those razor sharp baby nails. Mommy’s about to feel the burn of tiny scrape marks across her chest. Hey, just be thankful baby hasn’t yet watched Freddy Krueger!

4.) Baby and Goliath: Baby might be small, but he’s not to be intimidated by big “Ma-ma” snoring next to him. So that cough that you thought was just a little cold, well, baby is using that little dangling uvula in the back of his throat to create a sling-shot of his own. Yes, Mommy, keep your eyes closed, cause you’re about to be whipped in the face with a loogie!

5.) And what is the Ultimate Baby Sleep fantasy? Of course as I write this Toddler girl just woke up and is hungry! Or shall I say, “hungwee.” (Just sent her to see Daddy. That buys me a few more minutes). Oh, they don’t want me to reveal it. Oh, motherhood calls. Mommies, come visit me tomorrow, and find out.

You know what? It’s time for us Mommies to start a conspiracy of our own: We already know what Mommy fantasizes about: SLEEP! So the question now is how do we get babies out there to dream about sleeping on a private island (in their own cribs) so Kate and other mommies can get the rest they need? Leave a comment and let us know : )

Oh, and vote for Kate in the top mommy blogs by clicking to the right of this post! You can vote every day!
Posted by Laura

Thank you Laura! Go check her out @ Melodramommy! And I apologize for the annoying white higlighted area on her text! I accidentally did it & now it won't go away! GRRRR!!!